I no longer refer to myself using labels or titles. I’m sick of labels and all of the names that we call each other…
I’m certainly not a Christian, although I do think often about the religion’s namesake…
I no longer consider myself a Democrat. I’m starting to notice much of the same ignorance and flag waving as the other side, as well as blind support of its leaders, no matter what they do.
I don’t even consider myself white. Partly because I do have pigmentation in my skin. I’m more of a yellowish-peach color – in fact every person is a completely different color…
And I no longer think of myself as uneducated just because I don’t have an advanced degree. I am actually more intelligent than many people with advanced degrees because most of them know one subject extremely well, but their perspective is very limited.
They are considered so smart, they don’t need to learn anything else once they don that cap and gown…so what they know of the actual world seems to be close to nothing.
This is one of the main reasons I left the most secure job I’ve ever had.
It got old, trying to explain myself to these intellectuals, who never understood me (or anyone below them) at all. They were incapable of understanding any kind of abstraction nor were they able to use logic to see my points of view.
Their limited thought processes told them that I was nobody because I have no title. I was expected to sit at my desk and obediently process mountains of reimbursements and purchasing requests and pour over inane, convoluted spreadsheets, even though I was often the only person in the office. Everyone else was allowed to work from home.
I was not.
Once, my narcissistic, prattling ‘boss’ walked by after coming back from who knows what, looked in at my monitor and said to me,
“Are you working right now?”
Another time, her boss yelled down the hall at me, as I was off to the bank to deposit a $16,000 check,
“Christine, I bet it would be preeeety tempting to deposit that check into your own account! But in the end, that would be a reeeally bad idea!”
The last year I worked for those disrespectful, entitled, ignorant zombies I had lost my last shred of ambition. I gave up taking any kind of initiative. Why would I work any harder than I had to when I hadn’t gotten a penny increase in years and was treated like a misbehaving child?
Nor did I have any hope of advancement because they never considered me ‘qualified’ for any position that requires actual thought.
I didn’t follow the Education Industrial Complex’s directives, so I became disqualified to earn a decent wage.
My salary stayed frozen for so many years I gave up counting. Management and all the doctors received salary increases every year. How do I know? Because it was my job to balance the budgets. I had my nose rubbed in the vast differences in ‘worth’ every month.
How cruel is that? I felt like fucking Cinderella.
Except, Cinderella at least got to sing while she worked. And she got to enjoy nature, what with all those animals running around all over the place, helping her do her job.
And she could take pride in her work.
The results of my actions caused a ton of waste every month. You see, doctors need catered lunches, or they can’t work. Nor can they work without cookies and coffee delivered to them every afternoon. God forbid they walk across the street to the deli – or pay with their own money – like I had to.
The more you rake in, the less you spend out of pocket. It’s a ‘natural’ law of Business.
I don’t ever want to think about all the destruction I caused, just by doing my job. I bought hundreds of boxed lunches every month as well as dozens of reams of paper and enormous toner cartridges and other toxic shit. And new computers every year (somebody always needed a new one), new desks, chairs, new entire office set ups when people came and left the department…and when I worked for researchers, the quantity of lab supplies purchased made me physically sick.
And many faculty heads had two offices, fully furnished, all with enormous windows. They were never able to use both their offices at once (imagine that!), so most departments had rows of large, empty offices across the halls from those of us who were kept in broom closets.
I was left without any real choices. I gave my department heads an official letter of resignation, but only because they were getting ready to scold me (again) for my audacity to announce that I didn’t need their mutual masturbatory meetings. All I was asking was to stay in my closet and catch up on my work.
But peons are not allowed to decide what they need in order to do their own job.
Just like my conservative, because-I-said-so parents, my ‘superiors’ knew what was best for me.
I was supposed to shut up and follow their mindless orders.
The very last straw was the last time I spoke with my ‘boss.’ I saw my naturopathic doctor immediately afterward. She told me that I either had to make a drastic change or I would have to go on heart medication: my blood pressure was 200/130 that day.
I’ll be damned if I’m going to start taking pharmaceuticals.
So, I walked out.
UW RESIGNATION LETTER
I started learning reiki. I am building up my immune system with vitamins and probiotics and herbs and eating local, organic produce and humanely treated, healthy animals from time to time. I’m farming.
And writing and painting and shooting photos and spending true quality time with real friends who are open and honest.
And my blood pressure has dropped back down and I weigh what I did when I quit dancing at twenty-one…
I know now that all of us are supposed to do what we love doing. Even if it doesn’t yet have a name. Or a title.
Money will follow if you are working from passion.
I don’t belong to a single cult or religion or party and I don’t really belong to any group or community yet I have more joy for life now than I have had in many, many years.
Because I am complete all by myself. A partner at this point would just be icing…or hot fudge…
*I have met many wonderful doctors in my life, some of them researchers, some NDs, some specialists, and even a few MDs, but for the most part, I am certain that the reason that most people go into the practice of medicine is for the money.